A Beginner’s Guide to Metal (Part One)
Excuse the comparison, but being a metal fan is kinda like being a drug addict. We all started at some point, with some form of gateway drug. We then worked our way up to more powerful, harder to find, and expensive stuff. We kept using harder and harder stuff until one day, we looked in the mirror and saw a jaded, elitist jerk that spends their time hunting for 7” vinyls in flea markets, spewing hate on metal forums, and championing an underground, niche sub sub-genre that isn’t getting the attention we think it deserves. It’s a slow progression to the Elitist Metal Jerk level, but you’ve started the journey and though you’re a relative greenhorn, you’ve somehow managed to cross paths with me, a metal philanthropist. Let me impart some knowledge.
We’ll start this off nice and easy. Let’s go over some things you likely already know.
The Horns
You should already be able to do this. Bend your middle and ring fingers into your palm (as if you were making a half-hearted fist). Extend your index and pinky fingers up and slightly outward. Tuck your thumb on top of your bent middle and ring fingers. Voila, the horns.
Helpful hints:
- I always “throw the horns” with the back (top) of my hand facing the target of my metal greeting. This ensures there’s no miscommunication.
- You may “throw the horns” palm first, but to do so in Texas alters the meaning quite a bit. A palm-first horns signifies that you support the University of Texas. In some countries, a palm-first horns wards off the “evil eye” and in others it means that you’re calling the target a cuckold (a husband that has been cheated on).
- ALWAYS tuck your thumb if throwing palm-first. Read below to find out why.
Recently, there have been some YouTube rumors of Elvis being the first to “throw up the horns.” Those are false. What Elvis throws up is the “I Love You” gesture from sign language. Ronnie James Dio was, and always will be, the father of the horns. Yes, even if he didn’t invent it.
Headbanging
This is the most common form of metal expression besides “throwing up the horns.” Headbanging is a rhythmic, often violent head snap, up to down and back, of your head to the beat of the music. This can be a bit complicated at times, especially with technical death metal bands that play in upwards of two-hundred and twenty beats a minute. A true banger’s neck is, on average, as thick as a fifty-year-old tree trunk.
There is another method of headbanging that George “Corpsegrinder” Fisher of Cannibal Corpse is famous for: the windmill bang. Instead of the up-to-down-and-back snap, Fisher rotates his head which in turn whips his long hair around in circles. This method is best performed when one has a long hair style.
Dress Code
There is no real dress code for metal fans, though you’d hardly know that from band videos, facebook, etc. Metal is in the heart and mind. There are some guidelines, but nothing set in stone. Don’t let those corporate dweebs at Hot Topic convince you otherwise. I once auditioned for a band in a Margaritaville camp shirt and carpenter’s khakis. I got laughed at until I MELTED THEIR FACES OFF WITH BRUTALITY.
- A band T-shirt is the most common way of letting the world know you’re a metalhead. There are, however, tiers of metal band T-shirt credibility. We’ll get into that later.
- Jeans that are not too tight and not too loose (no JNCOs, please) are the quintessential pant for the average metal fan. Shorts are allowed, though really only work in certain circles.
- Absolutely NO skinny jeans.
- Long hair isn’t a must anymore, but it’d still be pretty boss to swing those long locks while headbanging, windmill style.
- Piercings and tattoos are certainly the norm, but if you’re not into them, don’t worry about it. At least you’ll feel more secure around large industrial magnets.
- Black is in, and will likely always be. If you already stockpile black clothing, you’re already halfway there.
- Any jewelry or accessories worn must be A) sharp, B) bullet-like, C) studded, and/or D) formerly part of a car.
- Weaponry is only allowed if you are of Nordic descent and said weapon is either a blunt or bladed hand instrument. Anything made prior to 1400 will be confiscated.
Tune in next time when I tackle moshing and metal terminology (part two). Until then, stay brutal.
About The Writer
47 Comments
August 11th, 2010 at 6:46 pm
ABSOLUTELY EPIC! Great job Adam…or should I say metal philanthropist.
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August 11th, 2010 at 7:20 pm
Oh God…JNCO. That's a blast from the past.
http://davidcgarcia.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/jnco-300×268.jpg
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Daryn St. Pierre replied:
August 11th, 2010 at 10:23 pm
Haaaaaaated those pants.
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Jen replied:
August 13th, 2010 at 6:34 pm
Don't lie. I'll bet you still have some.
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August 11th, 2010 at 7:35 pm
This is really great, because as a german and also a rather traditional person, I always have the impression you're only interested in modern metal and metalcore
Great job so far, I hope some of your fans will start to listen to real metal
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August 11th, 2010 at 7:40 pm
I loved this. Can't wait for part two.
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August 11th, 2010 at 8:19 pm
Great read bro, funny as shit. Patiently awaiting the next installment.
Yo nigga,
Brandon Thompson
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August 11th, 2010 at 9:28 pm
That was a fun read!
I can't help to notice the skinny jeans thing…I mean, I use them. It's more a matter of the type of jeans, rather than how they're modeled, in my opinion. You shouldn't look like what you're using is your mother's or your sister's, I agree. But if it looks good, and your balls can breathe, I don't see why not to use them.
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Bait_the_noose replied:
August 13th, 2010 at 6:37 pm
Thank you! Finally someone who understands. haha
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August 11th, 2010 at 9:41 pm
Funny! Good stuff, good stuff!
Can't wait to read the T-Shirt credibility section!
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August 11th, 2010 at 9:53 pm
This is amazing. Cannot wait till part two.
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August 11th, 2010 at 10:25 pm
Adam, this is awesome. I look forward to future installments.
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August 11th, 2010 at 10:40 pm
Part two should own! way to go my dude.
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August 11th, 2010 at 10:48 pm
An Atlanta Falcons jersey is pretty metal too. Unless it is a Patrick Kerney jersey. lol
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Bait_the_noose replied:
August 13th, 2010 at 6:37 pm
Or Michael Vick
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Jen replied:
August 13th, 2010 at 6:39 pm
Shhh…no mention of that name around here!
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August 11th, 2010 at 11:39 pm
On the clothing front, Tosin Abasi offends all of the above guidelines. In fact, he may be the antithesis of metal in terms of appearance. Good things he's got the chops to, as you say, melt faces off with brutality! Great post!
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August 12th, 2010 at 12:29 am
The death metal purists guide to heavy metal.
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Jen replied:
August 13th, 2010 at 6:36 pm
Not quite. Most staffers here would agree with most of it. Maybe it's the 20+ year olds guide to metal.
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August 12th, 2010 at 12:59 am
I'm so glad that you talked about skinny jeans.
I do think that you should mention that make-up is a no-no unless you're in a black metal band. Otherwise, it's just gay. Here's an example of what I mean: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5kIgLwCCxbU
A true metalhead will either cry/weep when watching this because of the atrocity that it is, or get really irritated because of how a shi**y band can get so famous from making shi**y music (I'm a mix of both, leaning towards the latter).
Nice work though, I enjoyed reading this and I look forward to reading more!
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Azriel replied:
August 12th, 2010 at 3:07 am
1. … sad to say, but I kinda like their sound.
All else aside, I don't think they have anything going for them. They're not getting famous off their sound, that's for sure. They're getting famous for the same reason Justin Bieber and The Jonas Brothers get famous: looks. And they don't even have that going for them, they look completely idiotic.
Are they even guys?!
It's a fucking sex contest, I swear. And if you listen really closely, they mispronounce words like "line" (by turning it into "low") so they can match other words. If they were the wordsmiths that any good band should be, they would've at least attempted to pick some other word to fit there. But NOOOOOO, PRETTY BOY GETS TO BE LAZY!
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actrambley21 replied:
August 12th, 2010 at 3:29 am
Bleh….. It's just one generic solo/breakdown/rhythm after another with them. I hate, and I repeat, HATE pretty boy bands. Going to concerts where they happen to be playing at is effing ridiculous because of all the scene girls that want to ogle the members of the band (take that statement as you will, lol).
I think the look is what kills me though, because the look is worse than the sound, I will admit. But I bet they've cleaned up that dude's vocals SO much when they did recordings….
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Azriel replied:
August 12th, 2010 at 3:35 am
I don't blame you, dude. The only reason their sound appeals to me is that it feels like they're trying to make something that doesn't appeal to their "main audience". I mean, it actually sounds like they're trying to play rock… but failing horribly at it.
And yeah, they did reconstructive surgery on his vocals while in the studio, no doubt about that. lol
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August 12th, 2010 at 3:27 am
Oh yeah, amazing article, Adam. I knew something like this was gonna come sooner or later. Maybe this can become more than a review site…
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Jen replied:
August 12th, 2010 at 10:58 am
You mean we're not already?? haha
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August 12th, 2010 at 9:19 am
Spot on but nothing that I didn't already know, fun none the less.
Was waiting for someone to mention Blackmetal corpse paint, Why? it can go on forever. Its not a huge part of the U.S Metal Scene but some nonetheless… http://bit.ly/9RgRMS or http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KiOqGIWlFx8&feature=related this will make things simple highly recommended! 2 horns up…
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Jen replied:
August 13th, 2010 at 6:38 pm
Mike, I'm sure you've seen this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7hr9RgrdUk
I laugh so hard every time I watch that video!
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Mike replied:
August 14th, 2010 at 7:41 am
Haha… Well as funny as that is this one takes the cake…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9TYkkvDycUw oh how that joke just made sense… Metalblade showed me this one I just hope this wouldn't be how the new review yacht experience would be just kidding. This one is for my Blackmetal homies…
Zack Hill (best known for Drumming For Team Sleep Chino side project and Goon Moon Twiggy of MM and his own solo music on Ipecac records) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4kVOJfZg_E
These own so highly recommended if you haven't seen these they will change the way you view blackmetal forever.
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Mike replied:
August 14th, 2010 at 7:46 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9TYkkvDycUw link didn't come out
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Jen replied:
August 14th, 2010 at 2:18 pm
At first I was like "Oh no…not watching this." But as soon as I saw the dude in corpse paint doing the auto-tune part, I had to watch it. That was classic!
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August 12th, 2010 at 10:31 am
cool writeup.. looking forward to the next installment !!
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August 12th, 2010 at 11:45 am
Hey man..I wear skinnies. They are made for men, and fit like mens jeans, just skinnies….and I love metal! =]
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August 12th, 2010 at 4:46 pm
Killer post!
My gateway drug was "…and justice for all" album. Which led to Slayer, Pantera, Sepultura, Cannibal Corpse and stopped at Emperor. Now, I'm somewhere in between… and on path to recovery to a healthy dose of metal.
According to my dress code most people would never guess I'm a metalhead. But I still have my old bullet belt and denim jacket with sewn on patches.
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Jen replied:
August 12th, 2010 at 4:57 pm
Andrei, you have a black shirt on. You're halfway there.
You're a closet metalhead. That's cool…none of your geek co-workers have to know. haha
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Luke Amos replied:
August 13th, 2010 at 12:45 am
Everyone assumes I listen to country >.>
Dress ain't got nothing to do with it.
It's all a mindset man.
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Jen replied:
August 13th, 2010 at 6:38 pm
Says the guy with the black Miss May I shirt on.
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Anthony Gannaio replied:
August 13th, 2010 at 7:12 pm
It's odd, my dress changes around who I'm with. If I don't care or at a show, etc., I'll always have on a band t-shirt with some form of jeans or gym shorts. If I have to look sorta decent, I'll put on a nicer shirt, but that's about it.
As for the ever-so-pressing topic of skinny jeans, I don't really mind them. I actually own a couple pairs.
——->*HOWEVER:*<——- If they are all you ever wear/your sister's/mother's/girlfriend's/et cetera, you're taking it too far.
If anyone misses that last part, I'm going to flip.
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Luke Amos replied:
August 14th, 2010 at 1:26 am
ANTHONY WEARS GIRL JEANS!!!111!!11!
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August 13th, 2010 at 7:03 pm
Haha, I really had to laugh when I read this: "I got laughed at until I MELTED THEIR FACES OFF WITH BRUTALITY."
Just came across this site and I'm really luvin it. Great music, good reviews, friendly community (from what I can tell) and a superb design. I'm into design a bit myself and it's always great to find one of those rare websites which is functional AND looks good.
Anyway, cool article Adam. Looking forward to part two.
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Bait_the_noose replied:
August 13th, 2010 at 7:08 pm
It is an awesome community…As long as you stay away from the Avenged Sevenfold comments. =D
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Josh replied:
August 13th, 2010 at 7:13 pm
Not sure what that means, hehe. But I'm sure I'll find out soon enough.
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Anthony Gannaio replied:
August 13th, 2010 at 7:15 pm
@Bait_the_noose: We shall not mention that review here, sir. Haha.
@Josh Welcome to the site, mate! Take a look around and make yourself at home.
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Josh replied:
August 13th, 2010 at 7:49 pm
Thanks man. Just noticed there's no Katatonia around here. Any chance of seeing a review some time soon?
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Anthony Gannaio replied:
August 13th, 2010 at 8:26 pm
Of the latest EP? We don't review EP's, sorry man.
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Josh replied:
August 13th, 2010 at 8:36 pm
Well I was just thinking of any album. But I guess I know it's awesome already so no need for a review. ^^
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Luke Amos replied:
August 14th, 2010 at 1:27 am
The first rule of Avenged Sevenfold is that we don't speak of Avenged Sevenfold.
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Lee Tran replied:
August 25th, 2010 at 8:41 pm
The second rule of Avenged Sevenfold is we DO NOT speak of Avenged Sevenfold
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