A Beginner’s Guide to Metal (Part Two)

It’s a slow progression from Metal Newbie to Elitist Jerk, but you’ve started the journey and though you’re a relative greenhorn, you’ve somehow managed to cross paths with me, a metal philanthropist. Let me impart some knowledge.

Terminology
If you’re gonna hang with the big boys, you’re going to need to know their lingo. Now, I’m not going to sit here and write you a dictionary and define everything you’ll hear freely flowing from the frothing maws of metal fans at a concert. Consider it more a primer than anything. Like all clique-specific linguistics, knowledge is gained more quickly and efficiently organically, e.g. you go to a concert or music store and shoot the breeze with fellow fans.

• Brutal – Many varieties of this one, including BR0000TAL for the 1337 set of metalheads. Consider this the death metal version of “awesome.” Extreme metal music fans prize the heaviness of their music and use the word brutal to describe its sound. If they apply this adjective to non-music items (food, a movie, a weapon, a talk show host, their pet, etc) then they are merely expressing how amazing they think said items are.
• Shredding – A guitar technique that entails playing musical scales at blistering speed.
• Sweeping – Hyper-active shredding.
• Widdly-woo – A term used to describe the sound made by sweeping.
• Tech – highly skilled, usually pertaining to guitar or drums.
• Metal – if you think something is cool and it may or may not pertain to metal music, call it metal. Throw up the horns for good measure. Example: “That umbrella is so metal!” \m/
• Sub Genre – A type of metal music. There are countless numbers of these and I’m not about to list them here. Go here and study up.
• Sub-Sub Genre – This is where things get murky. The most recognizable of the bunch would be Melodic Death Metal, ie the style of metal pioneered by At The Gates (back then, we called it Gothenburg Metal). Basically, if two sub-genres mix, you get a sub-sub genre; therefore, the possibilities are endless.
• Core – A decade ago or so ago, bands started meshing and blending genres. To compensate for the confusion, people started attaching “core” to just about any genre label that was socially acceptable. You can probably take any genre, add “core” to it, and wind up with a label that’ll fit at least one band in the murky Myspace sea.
• Breakdown – You know, that one part, in that killer song, where everything gets all heavy and slow and simple and you just wanna mosh all over the place? There ya go.

Moshing
Yes, metal fans have their own way of dancing, and though it’s borrowed from the post-punk hardcore scene (called “the slam dance” back in the day), it’s still very “metal.” Mosh is the dance. Pit is the place where it happens; generally the pit forms at the front of the stage on a general admission floor. If there are seats at a metal concert at the very front of the stage… you’ve obviously gone to the wrong concert.

There are a few varieties of moshing depending on the genre of metal playing, but the gist of the entire operation is this: jump around and bounce off of other people.

Some Types of Moshers

• Windmiller – This mosher will frequently swing his/her arms in large circles, fists clenched, just waiting for an inexperienced newbie to walk into their whirling punches of doom. If you see one of these, avoid at all costs.
• Diver – This mosher is in love with having people save them from impending doom. Again and again they’ll shirk security, climb the stage, and jump on top of the pit. Help them but try not to steal their wallet or cop a feel. I know it’s tempting.
• The Edger – This mosher stands along the edges of a pit and eagerly pushes other moshers back into the pit, but never quite makes it into the main attraction. Try not to bounce off of an edger, for their shove will be right in your blind spot and violent enough to send you reeling.
• The Hardcore Kid – Clearly put, these bungholes will kick, punch, and violently shove their way through the pit. Stay clear.
• The Weapon – These moshers will generally be covered head-to-toe in spikes or studs (or both). Give them a wide berth if you don’t particularly like open bleeding wounds.
• The Purse – Usually a male that has accompanied a female to a concert and, despite yearning to mosh, will be holding everything the female is not able to carry while in the pit. Purses will try to pick up a conversation with anyone on the edges of the pit, in hopes that a quick bond is formed. Once this bond is formed, the Purse will often unload their unwanted items onto the victim and then jump into the pit.
• The Pig – Usually a security guard or cop that’s a little too enthusiastic when keeping the stage-facing side of the pit under control. Feigning interest in the band, they’ll sneak in and lay a couple of good licks, most likely because they’re meanie-heads.

While in the pit, be courteous. If some overzealous mosher loses something of theirs, pick it up and give it back. If someone falls, quickly pull them up off the floor. Don’t punch, kick, or gouge; no, not even in retaliation against the Hardcore Kid.

My Token Crazy Mosh Pit Story: I attended a concert that took place in a rented Church hall. Yeah, metal and Church, who knew? Anyway, the organizers had left the right column of pews and designated the empty left side of the hall the mosh pit area. A rather large individual took it upon himself to flip over a pew, use it as a launching board into the pit for a crowd surf, and jumped. He instead landed head-first on the corner of an adjacent pew. Suffice to say, it was a mess.

Tune in next time, when I’ll share The Definitive Guide to Metal T-Shirt Credibility.